This coming year I need to get my priorities in order and I know that a fresh perspective will do the trick.
Only six things on the list but these are very important to me. It means that no matter how hectic school gets, I need to spend one on one time with the Spirit. I need to stay connected to the vine or else everything else on the list will just crumble. It also means that homework and studying is more important than spending time with my boyfriend. Actually he’s had a rough time with adjusting to my life but he knows where my priorities lie and I know that in his own way he does support me.
This list makes it seem like he’s not important but on the contrary: he is a big part of the end to which these means are meant for.
So now that school is over, I’m going to be staying up late for none-noteworthy reasons. Namely, watching movies, catching up on tv shows and tumbling in the wee hours of the night. This is critical because I tend to generate the most outlandish and colorful ideas during these settings. Wouldn’t hurt to document and share a few thoughts here, right? Well, here goes…
Why is it so difficult to write down my thoughts? Not even just writing them down but just explaining them, verbalizing them. Maybe it’s because a lot of my thoughts are feelings, pictures, memories, sounds, smells and they aren’t made up of words. I mean right now it’s easier because I can edit what I’m writing. (See, I just edited it right now. I’m adding this little blurb.) But when I’m in a very delicate conversation where I can’t hit a “backspace” button while I’m talking I’m pretty much screwed. Because I word vomit a lot. I just vomit a bunch of words that sorta kinda resemble what I’m feeling and hope it makes sense to the listener. Yeah…that doesn’t work so well. But oh well.
You know what I need? A good dose of eloquence. Yeah. Can someone get me that for Christmas pretty please?
It’s crunch time! Only the O-Chem final tomorrow is left. To be honest I am so burnt out toast ain’t got nothin on me lol I guess this time around what’s keeping me going is a phrase that the dean of Stanford medical school told me.
"Strive for excellence."
I really took that to heart; applying it to every aspect of my being. Right now I’m sleepy, I’m tired and I haven’t showered today (haha don’t judge-it’s finals week!) But I’m not accepting any excuses from myself. I’ma git this!
Today I realized that the biggest thing getting in the way between me and my goals is…(drum roll)…me. It’s true. It’s a humbling thought, but it was a huge “ahaa” moment. It was me who gave up on myself and it was me who didn’t think I could do it. It was me who told myself I was too tired to keep going. I don’t let others discourage me, why should I let me discourage me?
I have 3 names. They all have unique origins and not many people know that they all exist. Not a single person in my life has used all 3, not even my own mother. No, it doesn’t mean that I have 3 separate identities or personalities. I just have 3 names.
This is my nickname. My family, church family and family friends know me by this name. My downs syndrome cousin came up with it when my mom was pregnant with me. My mom’s name is Milet and my cousin would pat my mom’s belly and try to say “Little Milet”, but because of his speech impediment it sounded like “Mitmit”. Mitmit turned into Mits, which turned into Mitsy.
My full name is Doan Sashael Chalmas Olojan, so Doan is the first part of my first name. My dad came up with it by putting my two grandmas’ names together. My mom’s mom was Dora (“Do”) and my dad’s mom is Anita (“an”). Put them together and you get Doan. My classmates from Minnesota and coworkers in California know me by this name.
This comes from the second part of my first name, Sashael. My dad conjured this one up from my grandpas’ and God’s names. My dad’s dad is Saloy (“Sa”) and my mom’s dad was Shalos (“sha”) and one of God’s names is Elohim (“el”). Only my classmates and school friends in California use this name for me. Personally, it’s my favorite of the three.
T minus 15 hours until the OChem midterm. Coffee is in my veins, not blood. There’s so much going on right now. Cantata scripts to edit, lessons to write, prelab and postlabs to finish, songs to record, midterms to study for, people to tutor. Even in my dreams I practice chemistry mechanisms. It’s sad. lol But this is going to be a positive rant, I promise because I’m nowhere near giving up. This is a pep talk for myself because I can’t talk out loud in the library.
Focus. Eyes on the prize. I am going to get everything done and I don’t need to worry. I will have enough energy to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished. I am going to get an A on this test. I will understand and memorize all of this information. I will get off the internet and study…NOW lol
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
It’s been over a month since the start of my first quarter at Davis. I guess it’s really sunken in that I’m really attending UCD already. It was a really bumpy road to get here, though. The first week was the worst because I had that whole tuition scare when I thought I would have to pay $12,000 in the next 2 weeks or else I would be dropped from my classes. But the first week was also when I learned the most.
I learned how to really depend on God for real life, hard core situations. Put my whole trust in Him not just in words but in actions. I learned how to listen to His directions and I experienced what it’s like when I surrender my will for His. Well, I guess I learned something new this week, too. I learned that being too busy can be numbing. Seriously I don’t think humans are built to just work and study all the time. Mental stimulation is not enough to live on. I think we need to take care of our spiritual selves also; it’s the part of us that we neglect once we get to caught up in the stuff of life.
Ok. I started off talking about UC Davis and it somehow turned all thought-provoking and philosophical. Sometimes I really think I have ADD…anywhoo I’m getting tired. Good night and happy tumbling, you tumblers, you!
I mean, yeah, obviously I’m his daughter but for real though I really am his daughter. Sometimes I feel like I was supposed to be born a boy (no transgender-o) just because I think and act just like my pops. He always says I’m like his right hand person and I really agree with that.
When I was little I went with him to one of his pastor conferences. I slept in the men’s dormatory with him with all the other pastors. I remember some of the pastors had hairy backs, stinky feet and snored really, really, REALLY loud. But I didn’t care and I felt safe because I was with my dad, and plus I’d rather be there than be back home with my sisters and my mom.
My dad is really scatter-brained and so am I. My dad is very musical and so am I. My dad is messy and so am I. My dad can be too trusting with people and so can I. My dad isn’t fond of saying no to people and neither am I.
Don’t get me wrong, a lot of times I do get annoyed with him as I’m sure all kids do with their parents. But man, I sure do love the guy.
In about two years, I shall be departing for med school. I’ll be leaving. Not gonna lie it’s a pretty scary concept right now especially since he moved here for me and I’ll be leaving. Again. We talked about it earlier and his reaction really surprised me. He said he doesn’t want to hold me back, that he wants me to live up to my potential.
”Kung hindi tayo, di hindi tayo.”
And that’s when things became more clear and unclear all at once.